Bittersweet

It's been a complex couple of weeks. Just visiting the farmer's market last weekend was a reminder of how bittersweet life is. Harvest is a beautiful time of year, but we know that just around the corner lies winter, the corn is going out, the squash is coming in.

My "due date" (which of course is irrelevant) was yesterday, I don't anticipate baby for another good week.I enjoy the last few days of pregnancy before birth.

On the other side of the coin, my aunt, who fought Hepatitis C for the last few years and who had been awaiting a liver was deemed to ill to remain on the list, and was removed from life support yesterday, she died last night.

On top of all of this, my blood pressure has been rising, which in and of itself does not concern me, it rose just before Sage was born as well. But in order to go into this birth "clear" I've had to come to the understanding that my perfect homebirth may not happen, I have shed many tears at that thought. I don't believe I'm sick, I don't feel sick, but I know it's not just about me. I am doing everything in my power to bring it down, the Brewer diet, Calcium and Magnesium, tincture of Linden Blossom, rest, but my Midwives must protect themselves too, despite how strongly I feel that all is well.

Birth is the door that opens both ways, I sometimes think that I've allowed the negativity of the hospital to affect me. Now is time for faith in birth.